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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Chuck Norris is a pussy. Expendables 2 rated PG-13.

For the love of crap. Seriously? This world is getting more pussified as it spins. Today it was revealed that, Chuck Norris, got all butt hurt that kids couldn't see The Expendables 2, because it had a bunch of bad asses cussing at each other, so he asked to remove all the swearing from the script...

Really?

So, they can kill the crap out of people, but just don't call them a bad word? Really? REALLY?

Here is what Chuck Norris and his vagina had to say....

In Expendables 2, there was a lot of vulgar dialogue in the screenplay. For this reason, many young people wouldn’t be able to watch this. But I don’t play in movies like this. Due to that I said I won’t be a part of that if the hardcore language is not erased. Producers accepted my conditions and the movie will be classified in the category of PG-13.

Wow. So, if that was the case, why not find someone else to play his role in the movie? Why not hang up on Walker Delaware Ranger and call up good pal Carl Weathers and say HEY CARL! YOU'RE IN! And then we'd have someone just as bad ass, and a sweet hard R rated action movie. Instead we now have Chuck Twilight Norris calling people buttheads and stuff. Fantastic!

And here is what Stallone had to say...

the film is fantastic with Van Damme turning in an inspired performance... Our final battle is one for the ages. The PG13 rumor is true, but before your readers pass judgement, trust me when I say this film is LARGE in every way and delivers on every level. This movie touches on many emotions which we want to share with the broadest audience possible, BUT, fear not, this Barbeque of Grand scale Ass Bashing will not leave anyone hungry...Sly

Wow...just wow. So we can forget all of the great jokes made when the first movie came out. Remember ones like, "You have to kill and drink an animals blood in order to get tickets to Expendables." Or "You have to be involved in a fist fight before you can enter the theatre." Or "Instead of popcorn and soda, theatres will be serving raw steak and whiskey for Expendables." Now I guess we can say, "You have to be a Avon subscriber in order to see Expendables 2." Or "You have to have seen all Twilight movies in order to see Expendables 2."

Ugh, just UGH. Chuck Norris is dead to me.