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Friday, May 29, 2009

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

G.I. Joe Resolute is Pretty Bad Ass

Before all the hype for the new G.I. Joe movie hits, which I feel will be followed by a huge backlash from disappointed die hard G.I. Joe fans, I figured I would post on the G.I. Joe Resolute series that aired on Adult Swim. G.I. Joe Resolute is aimed at those of us who were fans of the classic old school G.I. Joe series. Not only do we get all the classic characters, but we get a darker look at G.I. Joe, which included blood, more realistic situations and stories, and even death! Yes, I was blown away at the fact that we're seeing classic G.I. Joe characters laid out dead from the get go. Of course if you were an 80's G.I. Joe fan, you saw the countless battles against Cobra, where you would see a huge battle, with the good guys and bad guys shooting back and forth, but no one ever died, or rarely even got shot. Well this is way different, and definitely a pretty cool update to the kid version we all saw. Resolute was broken into mini episodes that aired on Adult Swim, and now the entire series is featured online. If you were a G.I. Joe fan from the classic era, I'd definitely recommend checking this out, because I feel like the big summer blockbuster movie G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, will end up disappointing us all with it's new "vision" of what G.I. Joe really was. Here's the first "webisode" of G.I. Joe through if you want to check out the rest of the series:

Terminator Salvation

You know, say what you will about McG (and, granted, there's not a lot nice to be said about him and his body of work thus far), but it seems to Me that the innumberable terrible reviews for his romp in Cameron's shoes are by and large thoroughly unfair. I'm fairly confident that these bad reviews were primarily inspired by the one aspect of the film that had Me groaning about it from the beginning of its production, that being the appointed diretor himself.

That said, I watched the film this weekend with gritted teeth and low expectations and was, for all it's worth, completely taken by surprise. A small variety of the complaints in any number of reviews I've read include:

- no indication of how John Conner gets his famous scar
- Kyle Reese not receiving the photograph of Sarah Conner
- no story that makes any sense
- Christian Bale basically phoned it in, weakest performance of his career
- terrible writing/dialog

Okay, that last one was true. Holy crap, was it ever true. The dialog is TERRIBLE. and yet, I didn't find it so terrible as to detract from the overall film. In fact, for the primarily action oriented nature of this film, the cheesey dialog almost felt appropriate. A movie such as this cannot take itself too seriously, and I think even with that cheese factor, it still found a balance.

Christian Bale's performance wasn't anything to gripe about either. And to complain that this was his weakest performance? Come on, people, this is a fucking Terminator film! This isn't Empire of the Sun or The Machinist. It's a g'damn summer action flick! What do you want, John Conner as portrayed by Sir Laurence Olivier?! You're throwing that complaint at the wrong movie.

The story doesn't make sense. What? I followed it fairly easily. My deaf mother with her cyber-ear seemed to understand what was going on. And we didn't bother having ourselves a Terminator Marathon prior to viewing! Seriously, where did you movie-snob-film-reviewers get lost?

Scar/Photo. Ok. What. The. Fuck?! Did we not watch the same fucking movie? Or is it simply that I took a different strategy than you guys when viewing this film by simply watching it with My eyes open? Those recurrent themes from previous films were indeed handled in this one, though technically it didn't even need to since it is never established in the previous films exactly when these iconic moments are supposed to have happened.

My opinion of the film: it was fun and enjoyable. It wasn't a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, but by simply being enjoyable, it marks itself as a first as far as McG's resumé is concerned. I went in expecting to hate it. In fact, the only reason I even went to see it in the first place was because My mother wanted to! Once the film started rolling, I was shocked to find Myself laughing without derision, and actually getting reasonably involved in what was going on. It captured My attention and held it for the duration. I'd recommend that people put aside their well-earned McG Hate, if only just for this film. It's worth the price of admission.

I only have one real complaint, and that's the ridiculousness of one scene/concept. As I hate to step into spoiler territory, however, I will refer to it as simply "Desert surgery." I think that made Me actually mutter aloud in the theater, "ok, now, gimme a fucking break."

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Noteable DVD Releases: May 26th 2009

I wouldn't even bother posting this today since nothing interesting at all came out on DVD this week, except for that movie where that butter-face Jessica Biel shows off her boobs, but I know if I don't post this I'll get one of those OOOHH WHAT HAPPENED TO THE "WEEKLY" BLOG?!?! So here, screw off ya knob.

Brother's War Near the end of World War II, British Officer Pearman (Hugh Daly) discovers a secret Russian plot that could alter the course of history. To warn the Allied forces, Pearman must team up with a German captain (Tino Struckmann) and escape from scores of deadly Russian soldiers. Based on actual events and full of action and suspense, this war film also stars Michael Berryman, Olivier Gruner and Hayley Carr.

The Devil's Tomb Sean Connery's son Jason Connery directs this taut action thriller about an elite group of soldiers (including Cuba Gooding Jr., Taryn Manning and Jason London) sent to rescue a missing scientist (Ron Perlman) from an underground lab, only to learn from a priest (Henry Rollins) that an ancient evil has been released inside the facility. Ray Winstone co-stars as the soldiers' seasoned former leader, who helps them figure out their next move.

The Secret of Loch Ness When imaginative 11-year-old Tim Bender (Lukas Schust) comes across a story that suggests his departed father may still be alive, he embarks on an adventurous expedition to uncover the truth -- a journey that leads him to the secret world of the Loch Ness. Michael Rowitz directs this fantasy-filled odyssey, while Lisa Martinek, Dorkas Kiefer, Serge Falck, Thomas Fritsch and Hans Werner Meyer co-star.

We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story Brilliant scientist Captain Neweyes (voiced by Walter Cronkite) travels through time to the age of the dinosaurs. There, he uses his special Brain Grain cereal to transform Rex (John Goodman) and his pals from hungry predators to charming and intelligent beasts. The animated tale shifts to the present when Rex and the gang agree to visit the dino-loving children of New York. Jay Leno, Yeardley Smith and Rhea Perlman also lend their voices.

Murder in a Blue World In a futuristic world where armed gangs roam the streets, scientists are conducting mind-control experiments on ordinary citizens from secret labs. Amid the carnage, a beautiful nurse (Sue Lyon) seems like an angel of mercy. But what are her true intentions? Spanish director Eloy de la Iglesia helms this arresting English-language shock film that's often compared to Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange, released just two years earlier.

New In Town The weather isn't the only drastic change for high-paid consultant Lucy Hill (Renée Zellweger) when she's sent from her home base in South Beach, Fla., to a small Minnesota town to improve the productivity of a local manufacturing plant. The town's residents also take some getting used to, especially the ruggedly handsome union boss (Harry Connick Jr.) who's doing his darnedest to make sure that Lucy doesn't cut any jobs.

M. Butterfly Jeremy Irons stars as French civil service officer René Gallimard, a man who falls in love with an enigmatic Chinese opera singer (John Lone), in director David Cronenberg's adaptation of David Henry Hwang's Broadway stage play. Set in the midst of China's Cultural Revolution of the 1960s, the film includes several allusions to "Madama Butterfly," Giacomo Puccini's 1904 opera that inspired Hwang's play.

Powder Blue Gritty stories of loss and redemption collide on Christmas Eve in Los Angeles, where a shy mortician (Eddie Redmayne) falls for a single-mom stripper (Jessica Biel), and a desperate ex-priest (Forest Whitaker) forges an unlikely bond with a transsexual prostitute (Alejandro Romero). The tightly woven ensemble drama also features gripping performances by Ray Liotta, Patrick Swayze, Lisa Kudrow and Kris Kristofferson.

Carnivorous After reckless teenagers kill his beloved wife in a hit-and-run accident, Alan Cade (Louis Herthum) makes it his mission to exact revenge. His plan? To use the mystical Kulev Stick he filched as a child to unleash a supernatural snake with a deadly appetite. But when he loses control of his serpentine creation, Cade seeks out a Special Forces veteran (DMX) with a knack for destruction to help him hunt it down.

Killshot After witnessing a violent shakedown, Carmen and Wayne Colson (Diane Lane and Thomas Jane) are ushered under the arm of the Federal Witness Protection program, where they're supposed to be well taken care of. But with an experienced hit man (Mickey Rourke) and a rookie killer (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) on their heels, hiding out will be more difficult than they thought. Rosario Dawson and "Jackass" Johnny Knoxville co-star.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Modern Warfare 2 Trailer

Next weekend I will official go back and visit the first Modern Warfare, it took over my life and was played for hundreds of hours on end, until of course Call Of Duty 5 came then I switched over to that, not that COD 4 was bad, I just wanted to adjust to something different. And after watching this trailer, I think it's time to go back.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Burnout Paradise Big Surf Island Release Date June 11th!

I've been a pretty big fan of the Burnout series since the PSONE. I consider Burnout Paradise to be not only the best racing game on any console, but also the best online player experience around. The ease and use of its online system is so great and simple that I've never bothered touching any other racing games. There's no point. The open world and the fact that you can jump in and out of online play at ease makes me a happy lil guy. Sadly though, I can't say I didn't grow tired of the game, I just ran out of shit to do. Thankfully though, Big Surf Island is headed our way to give us all kinds of things to do once again.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

King Kong Returns To Universal Studios In 2010!!!

As most may remember, last year a fire destroyed a huge part of the backlot at Universal Studios, including the King Kong section where guests would ride the tram through a building across a bridge that Kong would be tearing down. It was one of the very few things left over at Universal Studios that I loved as a kid, the rest have been replaced with crap from Fast And The Furious, Desperate Housewives, The Mummy, and other piles of crap.

Anyways, the new exhibit will still be seen while riding on the tram tour but will now include 4-D Surrounding Digital Effects. This sounds a tad bit nuts and I might have to go back on my vow which was to never go back to Universal Studios again.

Read on after the awesome poster for the press release from Universal.

“The Eighth Wonder of the World” Rises From Ashes
to Astound Studio Tour Guests:

King Kong Re-Emerges In A Fierce New 4-D Attraction in 2010
At Universal Studios Hollywood, The Entertainment Capital of L.A.

Los Angeles, California, May 19-2009--King Kong, among the screen’s most powerful and enduring icons, will re-emerge on the famed and newly upgraded Universal Studios Hollywood Studio Tour in summer, 2010 as a thrilling and ground-breaking 4-D multi-sensory marvel, a new signature attraction for Universal Studios Hollywood.

The new King Kong attraction, based on the Oscar®-winning 2005 Universal Pictures film, will combine thrilling visceral effects with the world’s largest Surround Digital projection system to create a next-generation theme park experience.

Larry Kurzweil, President and Chief Operating Officer, Universal Studios Hollywood, said: “King Kong has been an integral part of Universal Studios Hollywood for decades and, after last year’s fire, we knew he had to be resurrected for our Studio Tour guests. We’re very excited to announce that not only are we re-introducing King Kong, but we’ve completely re-imagined the experience and will incorporate this legendary icon into a truly innovative Studio Tour attraction.”

In the new attraction, guests will don special glasses as they enter a darkened soundstage aboard the Studio Tour trams and will be transported— via the magic of Surround Digital 3D projection —deep into the dark heart of the world of Skull Island. They’ll survive a close encounter with a swarm of monstrous bats, only to be confronted by the terrifying presence of Kong himself. Suddenly, an enormous, ravenous 35' tall dinosaur will challenge Kong and guests will feel their trams jolt, roll and shudder as they find themselves caught in the middle of a ferocious showdown between the great ape and the giant lizard. The action will immerse guests in the battle between the two colossal predators.

A previous King Kong attraction was introduced at Universal Studios Hollywood in 1986 and remained a much-admired part of the Studio Tour until it was destroyed last year.

King Kong, known as “the eighth wonder of the world,” has been called “the experience for which movies were invented.” Since first appearing on the screen in the 1933 original classic, “King Kong” has been re-made twice, each time on a tremendous scale, earning a total of seven Oscar and three Golden Globe® nominations.

Most recently, the 2005 version took the best elements of the original “King Kong” story and adrenalized them with up-to-the-minute effects magic and the alchemic talents of a superlative group of filmmakers, cast and crew. Released to critical acclaim in late 2005, “King Kong” was a worldwide box office hit and, with DVD sales, earned well over $700 million, becoming the fourth-highest grossing movie in Universal Pictures history.

The arrival of the new King Kong experience will follow major enhancements to the Studio Tour. Universal Studios Hollywood will introduce an upgraded Studio Tour experience this summer, transforming its trams into "mobile movie theaters" with state-of-the-art flat-screen high-definition monitors and digital playback systems. The new high-definition monitors will feature commentary from filmmakers, including Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard and Stephen Sommers, along with insight from such personalities as Al Roker, Nancy O’Dell, Billy Bush and Whoopi Goldberg. Clips from numerous movie and television productions, corresponding to sites visited along the Tour route, will add a new dimension to the tour of backlot attractions, sets and facades, capturing how they were transformed for various productions.

Famed film locations on the Universal back lot include the “War of the Worlds” set, Western Streets, European Street, Mexican Street, the Psycho House-Bates Motel, and sets from ABC’s hit series “Desperate Housewives” on Wisteria Lane. Back lot attractions include "Earthquake," "Jaws," "The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift" and "The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb."

Also this summer, Universal Studios welcomes the "The Tonight Show Starring Conan O'Brien" to a newly constructed soundstage at the studio and will celebrate the re-opening of most of the iconic sets damaged in last year's fire. Studio tours and film production will resume at the world- famous Courthouse Square, Brownstone Street and an enhanced New York Street. Additionally, new film locations will be introduced to meet contemporary film production needs, including a modern urban cityscape, with glass and steel façade structures that will provide film and TV crews with the opportunity to replicate a modern city street scene in a controlled studio environment. The new contemporary cityscape will be the largest modern urban backlot shooting location in Los Angeles.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

J.U.A.N. Hot Music: Electrik Red

Alright all you late night Jerks, another edition of Jerks Up All Night coming your way, and we're taking a look at some hot music on the scene. Back in the 90's, music had some pretty bad ass girl groups that reigned supreme on the scene. We're talking SWV, Salt N Pepa, En Vogue, TLC, and more. In the past few years, Destiny's Child has been the only prominent hip hop style girl group out there, and you don't see new girl groups pop up very often, which is why the new group "Electrik Red' caught my eye. Put together by rapper "The Dream," Electrik Red brings that old school girl group with an attitude style. The first video I saw, "So Good," was a good single to get them out there, and made me look into the group a little more. And after checking out a little more of their material (and noticing that the main girl Naomi has been in a lot of previous videos including those of Snoop Dogg and the Dream himself) these girls up the attitude even more than girls from years back. It's pretty obvious when you notice they have a song titled "Fuck You"....hmm, yeah not just a nice little pop girl group here, the song explains how women fuck men, not the other way around. Their other single, "Drink in My Cup," is of course about getting drunk, so we pretty much have some freaky women who like to get drunk on our for me. But seriously, Electrik Red is all attitude, and obviously not afraid to cross some lines, so I see Electrik Red as a group that could be making a big impact on the music scene. I'll post the video for their "So Good" remix that features everyones favorite guy to include in their video, Lil Wayne. In the remix, they take their nice little song and change some lyrics such as "Thought I really wouldn't care much" to "Thought I really wouldn't give a fuck"...and "Now a girl all in love" to "Now a bitch all in love." Yeah, pretty in your face, and they're hot...just too bad Lil Wayne's goofy ass has to be in everone's videos these days, but in my estimation, keep an eye on Electrik Red, I see more success in their future.

Electrik Red - So Good Remix
Uploaded by UniversalMusicGroup. - See the latest featured music videos.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

J.U.A.N.: The Punch Out Rap!

In celebration of the release of the pumped up remake of one of the most iconic video games of all time, Punch Out (for the Nintendo Wii,) on this edition of Jerks Up All Night, we are featuring this video from, which appears to be a group of guys getting together, dressing up as the Punch out characters, and producing a Punch Out Rap! Yep, Glass Joe, Von Kaiser, Bald Bull, Great Tiger, King Hippo, and more, they're all here, and they're all rapping, you just can't go wrong with that. Really when you have guys dressing up in these Punch Out gimmicks and then rapping, you really see how all these guys are much more like pro wrestling characters, complete with racial and ethnic stereotypes. And again, just like wrestling, you get all these characters together to sing in unison, then you know the endings going to end up in a knock down drag out...good times! It's just too bad Mike Tyson couldn't be brought back to the franchise, as it sure was fun to get through all these racial stereotype characters back in the day, only to get destroyed by Iron Mike...the biggest asshole on the game, who just smiled away as he killed you time after time. So for all of you who are up late partying with the new Wii Punch Out, I invite you to check out the video to really get the old school vibe going as you enjoy the new game.

My Generations Voice Of Mickey Mouse, Wayne Allwine, Has Died.

There have been three people to voice Mickey Mouse, but the voice I have known my whole life was that of Wayne Allwine. He has been the voice of Mickey Mouse since 1977 after taking over the role from his mentor Jimmy Macdonald. If you're wondering who the other person was behind Mickeys voice, it was Walt Disney.

Wayne died due to complications from diabetes at the age of 62. He leaves behind his wife, Russi Taylor, who is also the voice of Minnie Mouse.

He also served doing sound effects and sound editing work on such movies as Star Trek V, 3 Men And A Baby, and Psycho 3.

"My life has been spent working, in one capacity or another, for the Disney family. I consider it to be a very high calling, serving Walt's "dream". - Wayne Allwine

Top 5 Reasons Why Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen Will Rule

Fallen has almost arrived. And doing a little reading on the new film, I have found that this movie is going to kick major ass, for serious reasons, and here are the top reasons as to why the new Transformers movie will be great... other than Megan Fox in Daisy Dukes.

5. The movie has yet to open and it has already broken records, GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS that is. One of those records being this movie has the biggest explosion ever filmed for a movie before. Yeah. That alone is reason enough, but lets move on...

4. Composer Steve Jablonsky has stated that the score for this film will include the original Transformers theme. He had intended to include the theme in the score for the first film, but the idea was rejected; however, when many fans made their displeasure known, the decision was made to incorporate it in the sequel.

3. From the original voice cast of Transformers, only Peter Cullen and Charles Adler took part in the first film. However, after listening to feedback from fans, the filmmakers elected to bring in more of the show's voice actors. In addition to Cullen and Adler, they brought back Susan Blu, Michael Bell and Rob Paulsen, and especially brought back veteran voice artist Frank Welker to reprise his role as the voice of Soundwave, the most loyal soldier to Megatron.

2. Optimus Prime will be seen in truck mode pulling his iconic trailer around.

1. Stan Bush, who composed "The Touch" for The Transformers: The Movie, composed a revised edition of his song "The Touch" for the new movie.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Sherlock Holmes Trailer Looks Freakin Awesome!

Wow, I am insanely eager to see this movie now. Guy Ritchie directed this who also directed two of the coolest movies ever, Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels, and Snatch. Since Snatch though, he has kinda made, well poop. But this, just, wow, watch and be prepared for a long wait till the film is released this Christmas. It stars Robert Downey Jr as Sherlock Holmes, and Jude Law as Watson, and Rachel McAdams as Irene Adler.

Introducing the Bunch of Jerks Editorial Board and Mission

I thought I would kick off my first post here on Bunch of Jerks with an introduction of the crew and a little background. We might have some argument over this, as we are a bunch of jerks. However this is basically the way I see things going down. Of course we will change things whenever we feel like it.

Some of you may know a lot of our contributors from the blog Devon Lohan. I don't need to tell you how much of a mess that was. We hope to put all that bullshit behind us.

Executive Editor: Random Villain®
The head honcho. Random was responsible for 93.7% of the quality posts and traffic at Devon Lohan. He was the straight guy. Random will be running the show as the head Editor and writer during the week and day shift. He will post whatever he wants whenever he wants. He is known for his movie and video game reviews and random excellence.

J.U.A.N. Jerks Up All Night: G.C. and Johnny Aguilera

G.C. is a veteran of DL and a few other blogs, known for his editorial vision and rare yet amazing posts.

Johnny Aguilera is a veteran blogger and freelance writer. You may know him by his other names. He joined DL at the very end and had no patience for the lame bullshit.

They will be the Weekend Editors and also run J.U.A.N. - Jerks Up All Night. You can expect late night posts about whatever they feel like talking about.

Associate Editors: Abyssus and Money D.

Abyssus is an O.J.- Original Jerk, as he joined the Jerk Bunch on Day 1. He did not participate in the trainwreck known as Devon Lohan. He will write whatever he wants whenever he wants because that's what jerks do.

Money D. mostly works behind the scenes and also does a lot of the work on other projects like the Big Brother Blog. He will post occasionally and do his best to keep things Jerktastic.

Video Game Flashback: The Simpsons Arcade Game

We Jerks think it's about time to look back at some of the most classic, era defining video games ever, and today we kick off with what is without a doubt, one of the greatest arcade games of all time, The Simpsons Arcade Game. This game came out in 1991, which was an era where you could pick up a video game box, it looked awesome, then you pop it in your Nintendo, and what poops up on your screen looks nothing like, and pretty much as nothing to do with the games subject. The majority of the time, a cartoon like the Simpsons would translate into a mediocre at best video game experience. But with the Arcade got a great intro that mirrored the TV show's intro, then you got a game that actually looked like the show, and had a story that wouldn't be far fetched from the show. This game was in every arcade, from Chuck E. Cheese to convenience stores, it was everywhere. It was a great side scrolling beat 'em up type game, and the great part was it was a multi player game, so up to 4 people could play as a Simpsons family character (Homer, Marge, Bart, or Lisa,) and proceed to beat some ass and rescue Maggie. The game was made by Konami, which also made the legendary Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Arcade Game, which was a similar beat 'em up game that was pretty similar to the Simpsons, which was fine because both games are great. Most of the early NES Simpsons games were, well, pretty damn hard, and the graphics couldn't touch those of the Arcade game. If you missed out on this era of arcade gaming, you missed some good times, as this game was hours of fun, Simpsons fan or not. Here is the classic intro for the game, and there are more videos out there if you would like to click through including some game play and spoiler videos for the game.

Bradley Cooper Is Face In The A-Team Movie!

This bit of news works great for me. Bradley Cooper as most might know was the asshole boyfriend in Wedding Crashers. Horror movie nerds know him as the photographer in the new classic horror film The Midnight Meat Train. And everyone should know him June 5th in The Hangover.

But word leaked out via Bradley himself today that he has landed the role of Face for The A-Team movie. Being a huge A-Team fan as a kid this bit of casting has me very pleased, I just hope this type of casting for all the characters keeps up, I really dread Ice Cube being signed to play B.A.

Noteable DVD Releases: May 19th 2009

There are so many DVDs that come out every Tuesday that it would suck to have to list all of them, so I figured I would just list ones that people might actually give a damn about. Here is what is headed to DVD tomorrow. From looking at this list, Fanboys and Mega Shark will for sure be on the rental list, with True Blood Season 1 being on the must buys.

Driven to Kill - While attending the wedding of his estranged daughter, Lanie (Laura Mennell), crime novelist Ruslan Drachev (Steven Seagal) is drawn back into his Russian mafia past when the groom turns out to be the son of his old nemesis, Mikhail Arban (Igor Jijikine). Soon, Ruslan's in the thick of a violent quest for vengeance in this gritty action thriller, also starring Dan Payne, Mike Dopud and Holly Eglington.

Saturday Morning Cartoons: 1960s: Vol. 1 - Kick back and relax like it's Saturday morning -- no matter what day of the week it is -- with this collection of classic cartoons from the 1960s that features the Flintstones, Quick-Draw McGraw, Porky Pig and a long list of other popular characters. Highlights include the pilot episode of "The Jetsons" in which the family meets their new maid, Rosey, for the first time and several episodes from "The Magilla Gorilla Show."

Saturday Morning Cartoons: 1970s: Vol. 1 - With a big bowl of sugary cereal and this collection of classic cartoons from the 1970s featuring popular characters like Batman, Tarzan and Yogi Bear, you can turn any time of day into an impromptu Saturday morning on the couch. Highlights include a Scooby-Doo mystery involving a haunted pirate ship; and a deep-sea adventure with Josie and the Pussy Cats; and a pair of "Hong Kong Phooey" episodes.

Fanboys - They've waited patiently for years for the release of Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace. But when one of their own discovers he's terminally ill, a group of pals embarks on a road trip to Skywalker Ranch to steal the long-anticipated film. Sam Huntington, Chris Marquette, Dan Fogler, Jay Baruchel and Kristin Bell star in director Kyle Newman's labor of geek love. Star Wars alums Billy Dee Williams, Carrie Fisher and Ray Park make cameos.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop - Kevin James ("King of Queens") stars in this comedy as Paul Blart, an overzealous security guard who finds himself in way over his head when he attempts to thwart a criminal mastermind's (Keir O'Donnell) plot to rob an entire shopping mall. Bobby Cannavale (Snakes on a Plane), Jayma Mays and Shirley Knight also star in this family-friendly laffer from director Steve Carr.

Russell Brand in New York City - Best known on this side of the Atlantic for scene-stealing roles in films such as Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Russell Brand brings his unique brand of stand-up stateside with this Comedy Central special. With teased hair, tight pants and black-rimmed eyes, Brand looks more like a bad-boy rocker than a comic, but he proves looks can be deceiving with a wickedly funny set that pokes fun at everything from horseback riding to his own sexual prowess.

The Pearl - When impoverished Mexican pearl diver Kino (Lukas Haas) finds a magnificent pearl, he believes his troubles are over in this adaptation of John Steinbeck's classic novel. But things don't turn out quite as planned for Kino and his struggling family. Anxious for wealth and respect, he instead discovers the baser side of human nature as the people around him are fueled by envy and greed. Richard Harris also stars as scientist Dr. Karl.

Valkyrie - Wounded in Africa during World War II, Col. Claus von Stauffenberg (Tom Cruise) returns to his native Germany and joins the Resistance, becoming involved in a daring plan to create a shadow government and assassinate Hitler. Soon, events dictate that he become a central player -- and he finds himself tasked with both leading the coup and personally killing Hitler. Based on true events, this drama co-stars Stephen Fry, Bill Nighy and Eddie Izzard.

My Bloody Valentine - Haunted by the mining-related massacre that took place there on Valentine's Day a decade ago, Tom (Jensen Ackles) returns to his hometown to find some closure. But no sooner does he arrive than a pickax-wielding madman begins a new bloody killing spree. Now, many suspect that the murderous miner has returned to claim his final victims -- including Tom. Patrick Lussier directs this remake of the 1981 horror classic.

Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus - After a series of mysterious disasters occurs in the Pacific, from the disappearance of a plane to the destruction of an oil rig, a group of scientists discovers that a secret military mission has unearthed a prehistoric shark and a giant octopus. When the government learns of the existence of the menacing beasts, the team of scientists is tasked with formulating a plan to destroy the phenomenal creatures. Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson star.Outlander - Fleeing an interstellar war, Kainan (James Caviezel) crashes on the shores of Norway during the Iron Age. An extraterrestrial monstrosity called the Moorwen also survives the crash, and begins cutting a bloody swath of destruction through the Norwegian countryside. Armed with the high-tech weaponry of his planet, Kainan teams up with the Vikings to end the Moorwen's rampage. Sophia Myles co-stars in this sci-fi adventure epic.

Wrestlemania XXV - Step into the ring with wrestling's biggest superstars, such as the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Randy Orton, the Big Show, Kane and CM Punk, as they duke it out in front of more than 70,000 pumped-up fans at Houston's Reliant Stadium. This 25th-anniversary edition of WrestleMania also includes a special battle royal match featuring 25 female contenders competing for the title of Miss WrestleMania.

24: Season 7 - Emmy winner Kiefer Sutherland returns for a seventh season as agent Jack Bauer in this taut, critically acclaimed series that breaks up the hours of a day into 24 action-packed episodes. While standing trial to defend his unconventional methods, Jack and the rest of the Counter Terrorism Unit learn that someone has hacked into the government's central computer, leaving the nation's infrastructure open to attack.

True Blood: Season 1 - Mind-reading Louisiana waitress Sookie Stackhouse's (Anna Paquin, in a Golden Globe-winning role) life gets complicated when she falls for vampire Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) in a world where vampires live openly and drink synthetic blood. Trying to improve their image and legitimize their finances, the out-of-the-coffin bloodsuckers hire PR firms and contribute to influential Republican politicians. Alan Ball ("Six Feet Under") helms the HBO series.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Why Do We Love Bruce Campbell?

I just got done watching, My Name Is Bruce. Which is about a demon attacking a town so they locals figured "hey lets get that Evil Dead guy to come help us." Bruce plays himself. Sounds great. Watching it was not so much, and then I realized....

Other than the Evil Dead movies, what movies starring Bruce Campbell have been great to watch? All of his movies are horrible garbage. And the big budget movies he's in, he's only in for mere minutes, sometimes seconds. So why? Why the love?

Because it's what people like us do. If you are a horror movie fan, it's almost like you HAVE to like Bruce Campbell or you won't fit in. It kinda goes like that with Tarantino. Death Proof sucked, hard. But everyone loves it, why? It's an hour of girls jabberin on and then 15 minutes of awesome car chases.

I guess there is no real answer for this. Worshiping Bruce Campbell goes along with breathing, it's just something that is a natural way of life I suppose. Let's just give the man a few more minutes in movies please? I'm sick of renting a movie because I see Bruce is in it then find out he's only in it for a couple seconds (Congo).

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Welcome Fellow Jerks!

Well this is a definite change of pace. Days ago we saw the death of a 2 year old site that had some fairly high points, and a lot of content over a thousand posts, but due to circumstances beyond any of the current writers control, things weren't destined to work out. But now, after our complete staff got together a couple of nights ago and got on the same page, we've all just realized that the so called "critics" were right...we're nothing but a Bunch of Jerks. New look, new focus on quality, and a name that's clear to is here. We'd like to welcome all the former readers, as well as brand new readers that are checking us out for the first time. This site is going to be the place you want to check out every day, just to see what kind of random stuff us jerks have to say or report on. So sound off on the comments, let us know what you think is good or what sucks, we're in constant improvement mode. And if you already hate us, and we know some of you are out there....well, we're Jerks, what do you expect?

Cop Kicks Suspect In The Face And High Fives Fellow Cop, I Would Too!

Take a look at this video.....

Now people are all in an uproar over this. Sayin the cop is out of control and was in the wrong.

Listen, the guy on the ground is a gang member, no details are out as to WHY he was running, but the simple fact is this. He went on a high speed chase putting lives at risk, then jumped out of his car and started running away. To me, that cop had every right in the world. The rules SHOULD be this...

If you don't want to get kicked in the face and have your ass kicked by the cops... DON'T BREAK THE LAW ASSHOLE.

It's that simple. I think that it should be perfectly legal and fine for a cop to pull his gun out and shoot you if you start to take off running away from them after you have just broken the law. I bet if that law went into effect, no criminals would attempt to run away at all. High speed chases would end, and most hostage situations would not happen.

So to that cop, I say good job. I would have done the exact same thing. Don't break the law, and I won't have to kick you in your face. The End.

Basketball Player with drugs? What?! Get out!

Some basketball player named Corie Blount. Some 29 pounds of marijauna nabbed by the five-0.

Here's the thing, I don't follow sports. I don't particularly give a shit about sports or anything sports related (Mega Man Soccer notwithstanding). However, I was given THIS ARTICLE to read yesterday by a friend who only wanted to share it because, "I just liked the judge's comment."

Little did he know that I'd bounce up onto My soapbox.

That comment My friend enjoyed was, "Cheech and Chong would have had a hard time smoking that much." The judge's failed and altogether retarded attempt at humor and hipness aside, it's the attitude of the thing that set Me off. The knee-jerk trafficking charges. Yes, those chrages were dropped, but I don't believe they should have entered into the case in the first place, and really the only reason was due to the amount of marijauna involved.

Why is it that having over a specified amount of a substance automatically means you're selling it? Whatever the amount, it doesn't always necessarily mean it's "far too much for personal use and sharing with friends." I mean, if the defense was all, "yeah, that was for us all to smoke in a single sitting" then yeah, HORSE SHIT...but by the same token, when a mormon family fills up their three extra garage freezers with meat, they aren't automatically suspected of turkey trafficking. Okay, I know, filling your food stores is hardly an illegal action, and obviously isn't the same thing. However, it's not so much a question of what is being stockpiled, in My opinion, so much as why...the intent being ascribed to it by an otherwise uninvolved third-party. Stockpiling weed for an extended period of time in the interest of not having to go out and buy more sounds reasonable to me, regardless of the illegality of posession.

Don't get Me wrong, I'm not saying I suspect that to be the case...for all I know he was indeed planning to sell the shit. My point is simply concerned with "the amount isn't evidence of the intent." I'm fine with busting him on posession, he broke the damn law. But automatically charging him with intent? That's a little overboard. Pre-Crime, anyone?

I don't smoke weed and My opinion of people who do isn't exactly stellar...but I feel that the laws governing the posession and consumption of it are often ridiculous and unnecessary. Especially in the light of the comparable socially acceptable (yet significantly more dangerous) attitude regarding the consumption of alcohol.

My Thoughts On The Jon & Kate Plus 8 Scandal

I went to the grocery store for lunch today to get a thing of chili and some bread to make a yummy chili bread bowl when I am standing in line and notice EVERY MAGAZINE has this Jon and Kate shit going on. Jon cheated on her?! Kate cheated on Jon with her bodyguard?! OH NO!!!!!!

My first reaction was who gives a shit about two people on a reality show on basic cable.

Then after thinking about it more and more, I realized, now I do give a shit and I need to voice my thoughts on it all.

First, did she cheat on him? Yes, she did. give me a break, look at her bodyguard, he looks like John O'Hurley, the dude that now hosts Family Feud. But why would any dude wanna have sex with Kate? She had 8 kids for christs sake, having sex with her would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, or parking a bicycle in an airport hanger, or putting an ice cream cone into a volcano, you get my point, the bitch is loose. And Jon looks like a douche bag, plus he has to be a giant wuss, why?

What man needs to hire some other dude to protect his wife? Give me a break Jon. Grow some balls you're samoan, I think. Aren't all samoan dudes supposed to be crazy bad asses? The Rock was, and Umaga.

But in Jons defense, after seeing a couple episodes of the show after some Little People Big World, Kate is a BITCH. So yeah, after dealing with 8 kids and a bitchy wife, I would wanna run out and fine some sweet tang somewhere else.

So they cheated on each other, big deal, my only question is, after seeing her out and about all over with her boyfriends/security team, and seeing pictures of Jon sitting on a golf course hangin out with hot chicks....

where the hell are these 8 kids?!

Who knows. Maybe the kids have their own security team. Or chillin with at the Roloff Farm.

Where It All Begins. Again.

Formerly known as we are now known by what we really are to most of our readers, and one former writer....

A bunch of jerks.

So with that, consider this the first official post kicking off the arrival of the new blog. No more pink, we are now blue.

So uh yeah, here we go.