Message Board

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Television and The Fall of Men

The Fungus has landed. My first blog here with these damn JERKS. Let the hate mail begin.

As an avid television viewer I take a lot of pleasure out of the old boob tube. I watch probably about 100hrs of original programming each week, supplemented by reruns and Netflix as well. However, now I see television as the double edged sword that it is.

What made me turn on an old true friend? A friend who has been there since childhood? Well, its simple really.... Television Has Destroyed Men.

Here, I have broken down how TV has fucked up the American Male. If you don't like it, well, I'm a jerk.

1. Stupid Fat Husbands:

The Most Likely Offenders: Doug Heffernan, Homer Simpson, Jim

As a fat guy and all around asshole this is probably the most personal of the three with me. Television shows and sitcoms started pulling this shit years ago, who originated the trend, I cant be sure, but Homer Simpson may very well be at ground zero.

Being fat was always in the cards for sitcom husbands, Archie Bunker & Dan Conner just to name a few but they had something, something that made them special, something called testicles. These MEN did manly things, and although they did occasionally slip up for comedic sake, you always knew who the man in the relationship was. Even when Roseanne was browbeating Dan, you knew that at any minute he could turn around and set things straight.

Today however, the television view audience has been overwhelmed with clowns in 4x sweatpants being verbally abused by semi-hot wives. This causes a few problems. First is that it allows fat kids growing up to believe they have a chance with these women, and its simply not true. Secondly, where have all the testicles gone? These women berate, abuse, and generally make asses out of grown men who in return are portrayed as simpletons and morons.

The King Of Queens, he didn't want a baby, she got one anyway, they then got pregnant with a second, sure the show allowed the viewers to think it was a happy ending, but really what we saw was a FED EX driver and glorified secretary have two kids they cant afford in the most expensive city in the world? Why? Doug was castrated, he was asked to work a hard laboring job, come home and deal with his wife's insane father and then to top it all off, listen to his loud mouthed, ignorant wife tell him to lose weight. NUT UP DOUG!

When did we lose control? When did it become not ok to raise your voice or throw a fit? Yes, Archie Bunker was a racist, but his generation also fought and won wars for us, his generation also had American kids in the forefront of math and reading in schools, and his generation allowed men to be men.

2. EMO Parents Raising EMO kids:

Lets talk about our feelings... or better yet, lets make everyone talk about their feelings in excruciating detail.

Stop babying the kids man, let them grow up and experience life. Kids get hurt, kids mess up and get punished and kids get into all kinds of strange shit... well, they used to.

I watch these family based shows like Parenthood and it makes me sick, real life to me, is more like Raising Hope... shit happens. Parents shouldn't be concerned about stunting someones emotional creativity because they got in trouble for spray painting someones wall.

Kids don't get an equal say in the relationship, I don't give a shit if your mom is one of the Gilmore Girls!

Beat your kids people, just don't abuse them.

3. The Anti-Hero

The Offenders: Dr. House, Vic Makey, Dr. Christian Troy, Stone Cold Steve Austin, many many more as well.

Moral ambiguity at its best! Yes, Vic Makey is a great cop, he stops drug dealers, he puts away rapists, but he also shoots other cops in the face, and steals. This is not ok. Yes, its entertaining, yes its good TV, but its not for everyone, and its NOT OK.

There has to be a time where you sit back and say, "Is this ok for my kid, teen, etc?"...

If your TV is doing the babysitting, if your watching Desperate Housewives in the other room and really don't give a shit, well then this whole article is probably offensive and aimed right at you.

Is it ok for your son to be a Vicodin addict if he is also a doctor? Is it ok to punch your boss in the face as long as you have a great catch phrase? I wasn't really asking, the answer is NO.

These same people, parents that scheduled their kids births, parents that talk to their kids on the phone more than in person, are the same people to spit out how "the world is going to hell" and "what happened to our country" well, you're what happened to our country!

You raised crybaby, peanut allergy having, testosterone lacking, morally ambiguous, menstruating girlie-men.

It's your fault. Deal with it.

So, until we pull our kids away from the TV, or god forbid talk to them about what they are watching, men are going to continue to grow up bitches.